if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
