just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
