which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
