my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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