she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
