Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
