It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
