even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
