hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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