Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
