drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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