Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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