It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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