i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
