Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
