Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
