you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
