Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
