Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
