Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
