I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
