I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
