Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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