so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
