Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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