You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
