Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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