ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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