dude i'm inner monologue high
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
