does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
