This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
