You're so nebulous sometimes
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
