I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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