I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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