Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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