I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
