He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
