Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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