woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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