She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
