Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
