She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
