I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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