So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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