Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
