1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
