wanna go halves on a baby?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
