there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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