If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
