This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
