shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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