Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
