True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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